Working Through the Emotions of Infertility

(Reproduced with permission from the American Society of Reproductive Medicine with some changes)

What impact does infertility have on emotional wellbeing?

Infertility often creates one of the most distressing life crises that a couple has ever experienced together. The long term inability to conceive a child can evoke significant feelings of loss. Coping with the multitude of medical decisions and the uncertainties that infertility brings can create great emotional upheaval for most couples. If you find yourself feeling anxious, depressed, out of control, or isolated, you are not alone.

How do I know if I could benefit from psychological counseling?

Everyone has feelings and emotional ups and downs as they pursue infertility treatment. Feeling overwhelmed at times is a perfectly normal response. However, if you experience any of the following symptoms over a prolonged period of time, you may benefit a great deal from working with a professional:

• loss of interest in usual activities

• depression that doesn't lift

• strained interpersonal relationships (with partner, family, friends and/or colleagues)

• difficulty thinking of anything other than your infertility

• high levels of anxiety

• diminished ability to accomplish tasks

• difficulty with concentration

• change in your sleep patterns (difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep, early morning awakening, sleeping more than usual)

• change in your appetite or weight (increase or decrease)

• increased use of drugs or alcohol

• thoughts about death or suicide

• social isolation

• persistent feelings of pessimism, guilt, or worthlessness

• persistent feelings of bitterness or anger

In addition, there are certain points during infertility treatment when discussion with a professional can help facilitate clarification of your thinking and help with your decision making. For example, consultation with a professional may be helpful to you and your partner if you are:

• at a treatment crossroad

• deciding between alternative treatment possibilities

• exploring other family building options

• considering third party assistance (gamete donation, surrogacy)

• having difficulty communicating or if you have different ideas about what direction to take

How can coaching help me/us cope with infertility?

Professionals with experience in infertility treatment can help a great deal. Our primary goal is to help individuals and couples learn how to cope with the physical and emotional changes associated with infertility, as well as with the medical treatments that can be painful and intrusive. For some, the focus may be in how to deal with a partner's response. For others, it may be on how to choose the right medical treatment or how to begin exploring other family building options.

Some couples may need help on how to control stress, anxiety, or depression. A coach can help you work through your grief, fear, and other emotions so that you can find resolution with your infertility. A good coach can help you sort out your feelings, strengthen already present coping skills and develop new ones, and communicate with others more clearly. For many, the life crisis of infertility eventually proves to be an opportunity for life-enhancing personal growth.

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